I'll Be Fine
by DramaticStarlet
Summary: When Christmas isn't what it's supposed to be. For Caitlin. NateCaitlyn.


**I ' L L B E F I N E  
**Nate & Caitlyn.

Hey bebes. :)

This fic was originally written in something like August. I sent it to my beta, and we both agreed that it was a little too raw and whatnot to be posted. So I found it in a random folder on my computer last month or so, looked it over, re-wrote the thing, and decided it would be the perfect gift for my seriously fantabulous friend Caitlin Rose (xoAlmostFamous).

Song lyrics at the beginning are "A Little Bit Longer" by the Jonas Brothers. To be honest, it's not my favorite song from their latest album, but it's still really chill and pretty. A good rainy Sunday song, if you ask me.

I hope you all like it. It's a little bit different from the rest of my work, so please bear with me.

Caitlin Rose, I especially hope that you like it, my dear!

--

_So I'll wait 'til kingdom come.  
All the highs and lows are gone.  
A little bit longer and I'll be fine._

_I'll be fine._

Nathaniel Gray stared up at his popcorn ceiling, trying to memorize every little crack and indentation. It was truly amazing, really, trying to count every mark. _1, 29, 47, 68, 83. _He lost count at 110 (or rather just declared it a lost cause and gave up).

He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. When he was in choir, his teacher said that was good – he was internalizing the beat of the music. Today, though, there was no music. His heart was just beating dangerously hard, making him cringe.

Something was wrong.

Of course he knew what it was. It was the same, miserable thing he'd been facing for a year.

_I'll be fine, _Nate gritted his teeth and attempted to forget. About everything and everyone and how it was Christmas Eve and he felt like the whole world was crashing around his face.

_I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine._

He whispered the thoughts soundless. They echoed in his head, haunted his thoughts, made his heart beat even quicker.

Nate's head hurt and he felt tired and upset. He wanted to feel better. he wanted his head and his heart and his body to stop _aching _for all different reasons.

_Please Lord, help me, _he prayed, hoping that God was listening. _Please Lord, bring her back to me. Please._

Her.

His best friend.

Tonight would be the year anniversary of her death, and Nate didn't want to see anyone. He didn't want to talk or move or breathe. All he wanted to do was lie here and count ceiling tiles.

A soft knock on his door awoke him from his half-asleep reverie, before he mumbled a barely audible, "Come in."

"Nate? Are you okay?" his girlfriend of two years stepped in, her eyes clouded with worry.

"Yes," Nate lied, voice barely above a whisper.

"Hey, what's up? Everyone's waiting to open presents," Caitlyn said, shutting the door behind her with a heavy slam, a sharp contrast to the quietness of the rest of the room.

"They can start without me."

It was true. He really didn't feel much like opening gifts he knew he didn't deserve.

"Nate, seriously, I'm really worried. Tell me what's wrong," Caitlyn said as moved over to the bed where Nate was lying and sat down, inadvertently wrinkling the plaid comforter.

Nate turned to her, his brown eyes filled with desperation; "I can't live without her."

Caitlyn's own mahogany orbs moved down to view the carpet as her hands clasped together. It killed Nate that by never smiling, never feeling anything but hurt, he was not only himself, but the people that he surrounded himself with.

"Mitchie will always be with you, Nate. Even though she's not here physically, I know you can feel her presence. I feel it everytime I'm in same room as you," Caitlyn responded, her mhands moving to his hair. She played with one of his thick, dark curls. It tickled, but he didn't dare crack a smile, for fear that it would hurt twice as much as frowning.

"Everything hurts so bad, Caity. My head, my heart...everything. I need her here. I need her so much," his eyes met hers as he sighed heavily.

Caitlyn's response was void of real meaning. "It's Christmas. Be happy. For me."

"I wish I could."

He looked down, absolutely ashamed. He was going to ruin Christmas for the people he loved and treasured most. _Great job, Nate._

"Why don't you love me as much as you love her?" her response was broken, kind of like Nate's heart.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he set his head on her shouder, "I don't want."

She wrapped around arms around him, and he let his tears fall silently onto her blouse. He hated crying, but every emotion ached. He wished he loved Caitlyn as much as he had loved – and still did love – Mitchie. Nate wished on every star that he could erase Mitchie from his mind.

Shooting stars are lies, though. Nate knew this more than anyone else in the whole world.

"You're going to be okay, I promise. I'll do anything for you, go anywhere with you. But I can't be Mitchie," Caitlyn said, stroking his hair gently with her fingertips.

He needed Caitlyn. Her pretty words and soft touch.

He needed Mitchie more, but that was okay.

"A few more days, and I'll be okay. That's my promise," Nate said, voice thick with emotion.

Nate would be fine. Really, he would.

He would forget about Mitchie, and he would be able to breathe and think and feel and _love _like a normal person.

_Just a little bit longer, Nate, and you'll be fine._

--

:) What's the consensus? I tried to keep Nate and Caitlyn as IC as possible, so please bear with me on the characterizations.

I feel like this whole thing was incredibly redundant. :-/ idk, honestly. Caitlin Rose, I promise I'll give you a consolation gift if you hate it!!

**Please review with more than "so sad" or "i loved it," thanks! :)**


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